Poetry by Jeff Green



by cricketjeff on February 5, 2008.  © Jeff Green, All rights reserved

As when a bud forms slowly on a rose
And day by day it starts to show its face
The person that is hid within you grows
Until she’s ready to assume her place

As when a bug becomes a butterfly
And beauty that was hidden goes on show
A maiden who it seemed was meek and shy
Becomes the regal lady that I know

The garden that I tended carefully
In which I saw you blossom and perfect
Produced the flower that I want to see
Treated by all the world with due respect

My daughter you are ready for the rest
But can the world withstand it’s greatest test?

Author notes

This was written for a contest to “teach me sonneteering” I’ll replace it with something better later, wanted to put a marker down early though

as WHEN| a BUD| forms SLOW|ly ON|a ROSE
and DAY| by DAY| it STARTS| to SHOW| its FACE
the PER|son THAT| is HID| withIN| you GROWS
actually that “withIN” could be a pyrrhic “within”
sounds fine to me either way
unTIL| she’s READ|y TO| assUME| her PLACE

as WHEN| a BUG| beCOMES| a BUT|terFLY
and BEAUt|y THAT| was HID|den GOES| on SHOW
a MAID|en WHO| it SEEMED| was MEEK| and SHY
“I KNOW” a spondee perhaps?

the GARD|en THAT| i TEND|ed CARE|fulLY
in WHICH| i SAW| you BLOSS|om AND| perFECT
proDUCED| the FLOW|er THAT| i WANT| to SEE
TREATed| by ALL| the WORLD| with DUE| resPECT
as pointed out by Micol below treated is definitely not iambic, so another substitution here trochee this time.

my DAUGH|ter YOU| are READ|y FOR| the REST
but CAN| the WORLD| withSTAND| it’s GREAT|est TEST?

There are a couple of arguable substitutions in the poem, and I think it reads better breaking iambic in those places. The most obvious careful word placings are the YOU and WORLD in the couplet, which clearly must be stressed

Actually my daughter was never meek and shy
I am cricketjeff, that is to say Jeff Green