Poetry by Jeff Green


The modern mail (after WH Auden, a long time after!)

by cricketjeff on March 9, 2008.  © Jeff Green, All rights reserved

Second class mail is getting much slower
Standards of service now even lower,
Most of it junk mail heading for landfill,
Or charity mailshots trading on goodwill.
The van’s slowing down fry-up is calling
Delays to the mails are something appalling

Stamps cost a fortune come in a book
Is this the right one where can I look?
Packages, parcels, low business rate
All in one post van and all of it late
Card from your Mother, “Best Wishes” son
Just has you guessing “Now what have I done?”

Postie is dawdling, stops for a fag
Chats to a neighbour, has a good drag
Clatter of envelopes crash to the mat
Most are for next-door, he’s scared of their cat
Catalogue filled with ladies undressing,
Study that later, I don’t mind confessing!
Bill for some services I haven’t had
The late Birthday Present I bought for my Dad.

All that I’m waiting for hasn’t arrived;
Of toys and amusements I’m sadly deprived.
The train doesn’t bring them it’s all done by van;
Delays and diversions where-ever they can.
Somewhere in his grave I can hear Auden spinning
And no-one can doubt why it’s email that’s winning!!!

Author notes

I had not checked since the original is very much in copyright but oldpoetry does have the text.


But better if you can find somewhere the film made of it for The Royal Mail in about 1935.