Poetry by Jeff Green

84–Our_language.html

Our language!

by cricketjeff on September 18, 2007.  © Jeff Green, All rights reserved

I say chaps, that’s just not cricket!
When it comes to OUR language you’re on a sticky wicket”
Every little tiny village, has got a city father
You go overboard with endless praise, when we say “Yes, well rather”
“Have a nice day” is heard all round, from folks who mean it not
And if you don’t acknowledge it, you think that you’ll get shot
You’ve added ten on every got, inventing the word gotten
In nearly all the words you say, our language sounds quite rotten!
You’ve put a K in schedule, you think it’s said like school
You don’t like using up your “u”s, and you think zee’s the rule
You run and fetch a flashlight when you clearly need a torch
And you sit and rock upon a thing, you think is called a porch
You go into a restroom, when you really mean the loo
If that is where you’re resting, I’m quite surprised at you!
A bag of chips are called french fries, a bag of crisps are chips
You’ve never heard of irony, and miss out half our quips
You all live in apartments, a posher word for flats
You shop at stores and not in shops, and all wear cowboy hats
Your president’s war on tourists, has got us all in fits
But we like your word for pimples, so now we all have zits
I hope you think this poem sounds as English as you’d like
But if it’s not your cup of tea, tough luck, get on your bike!

Author notes

Any insults above are purely tongue in cheek and only for poetic effect 🙂