Poetry by Jeff Green

1623–Watching_the_viewers.html

Watching the viewers

by cricketjeff on December 16, 2008.  © Jeff Green, All rights reserved

We record the sound of every TV station
As it chunders out its wares across the nation
It is something TNS have often found
You can tell a TV programme by the sound

Every programme that you watch will seem much sweeter
If your habits are recorded on a meter
So the BBC will know what they should do
Making sure there’s nothing you will want to view

If the tone is bad it could be that the show
Isn’t one you want your neighbourhood to know
Never mind its there before our watching eyes
We are always careful to anonymise

Strictly Come Eastenders or the nightly news
Or some naked ladies we can’t see the views
It’s the sound of things we have to understand
So the future of the channels can be planned

There’s a database created everyday
Of the habits of each Nation at its play
In the Philippines they’re watching lots of shows
About the habits of those crazy Eskimos

In Norway there may be shows about a fish
A Turk I know prefers a tasty dish
While Sri Lanka may have cricket on the Brain
In Australia it’s Neighbours once again

Honululu likes to watch things after dark
While in London there were Proms out in the Park
All across the World the meters let us see
What the rest of you are watching on TV

With eight hundred channels, time-shifts and the rest
The whole exercise is proving quite a test
But there isn’t any other way to peek
At the way the silent masses spend the week

If you add to that you get a flashing light
That will wink in red when it calls us at night
You should sign up for a panel right away
That’s the most important thing to do today!

Author notes

I am working for TNS Media Research who provide TV audience data statistics in various places across the World.