Poetry by Jeff Green

2012–Bathroom_Mishap.html

Bathroom Mishap

by cricketjeff on May 13, 2009.  © Jeff Green, All rights reserved

She wasn’t really thinking as she lay there in the bath;
      Her toes were happy playing with the taps,
And now she had to contemplate the dreadful aftermath,
      No chance to keep the problem under wraps.
She couldn’t reach her mobile phone, she had to lie and shout –
Her largest toe was truly stuck she couldn’t get it out.

The man next door had heard the fuss and came to lend his aid,
      But she could not get out to let him in.
The doors were tightly locked downstairs, this very cautious maid
      Did not give any crooks the chance to win.
Her saviour’s  found a ladder and he’s climbing up to see
If he can find a way to set the lady’s tootsies free.

A face appears outside the pane, the larger window’s locked;
      Of course the key is safely out of reach.
The face pops through the skylight so his view is now unblocked,
      And suddenly he’s lost the power of speech.
Perhaps I didn’t mention that the water’s run away
And round about the tub are all the games she likes to play.

He’s gone to fetch the fire brigade so they can free the toe,
      And let our heroine get off to bed,
And while he waits he’s brought his mates so they can see the show,
      She’s blue with cold but quickly turning red.
The fourth or maybe fifth has peeked before the siren sounds
And six or seven rescue men are entering the grounds.

It only takes an hour or two to get the door unlocked,
      And all that time the firemen climb to see.
With her display of naked flesh you’d think they would be shocked
      But that is not how things appear to me.
Her “Mighty Dong” is on the floor, a smaller toy beside,
There’s nothing much that she can reach that helps the lady hide.

At last they’re in! Her rescuers are massaging her feet
      But they can’t get her pretty toes unstuck,
They’ve called another crew to make embarrassment complete
      (I think these men believe that they’re in luck).
So now they’ve fetched a plumber who arrives with other tools,
The neighbour and the rescuers stand round like grinning fools.

A sudden POP and she is free she stands up in relief –
      The firemen and the neighbours give a cheer.
She’s given up embarrassment and looks round at the “beef”
      The ending to my tale’s becoming clear.
The next-time that she takes a bath, and just for safety’s sake,
She telephones the fire brigade “I’d like to bathe with Jake”.