Umbleania’s National Game
by cricketjeff on June 6, 2009. © Jeff Green, All rights reserved
The football’s played with energy
But though they tackle games with will
The national pitch is on a hill
The slope is forty five degrees
And all the lines are marked by trees
The centre forward (Peter Gold)
A sprightly eighty two years old
Has never scored despite his hopes
He’s held in place by two strong ropes
All visitors are much dismayed
To see the way this game is played
But good King Bob’s the greatest fan
And goes to matches when he can
And joins in with the jeers and boos
Each time his national heroes lose
The strangest place you will agree
Is Umbleania by the Sea
For those few who have never visited this Antarctic tropical paradise, Umbleania (pronounced Umble (as in jumble) a (to rhyme with hay) knee (they are very much on their knees see other poems) ahhhhh) is a beautiful country with an extensive coastline, but no sea. Most of the largest rivers are permanently dry, but the desert is underwater.
Football (soccer to Americans) is the national sport, both teams in the main league only play home matches, and therefore the national side is somewhat inexperienced. They are currently ranked 201 out of 198 by FIFA.
You can learn more about this lovely country (lying halfway between Scotland and Japan, and sharing a short border with Chad) by reading the other poems in the list.