Poetry by Jeff Green


First Contact (The Bindybandy way)

by cricketjeff on August 1, 2009.  © Jeff Green, All rights reserved

In Bindybandy on the Sand
The far horizon has been scanned
They think they know that on the way
Are Martian guests who want to stay
The Queen received an emailed note
And here is what the Martian wrote

Your planet seems a little strange
We feel the need to have a change
So could you send the hotel rates
I’ll bring a load of Martian mates
We each want rooms with bath and view
The rest I shall leave up to you

The aliens arrived by bike
And everyone was dressed alike
In silver kilts and green fur hats
They carried bags and cricket bats
The men were tall and rather red
The women had an extra head

The Queen was pleased to see the crowd
And read a welcome note aloud
She spoke of friends across the skies
Her citizens believed their eyes
The Martians though were quite amazed
And mostly looked a little dazed

They’d heard of Earth where trees are green
And bearded drods are rarely seen
But could not quite believe it true
That men had not three arms but two
And just two legs to reach the floor
The Martians all had four or more!

Now as you all are well aware
It’s fish that forms the local fare
With big fat chips and mushy peas
All mixed with Bindybandy cheese
The martians ate the evening meal
With puzzled looks but ample zeal

They visited the local sights
Sunbathed by days caroused by nights
They dated locals drank the wine
(The Zinfondel is rather fine)
And when the busy week was done
Declared they’d had a lot of fun

They gave the Queen a Martian flag
(Which looks just like a paper bag)
Then mounted bikes to fly away
To ride to Mars would take all day
But next year they will come with me
To Umbleania-by-the-Sea!

Author notes

Bindybandy was an obvious choice for the first Martian package holiday, it’s long golden beaches, many many miles from the sea, are tinged with the most picturesque rubbish tips in the area. The Mountain range is the lowest in the continent and on some days it hardly rains at all.

The last time I went (by bus from Mississississangularia, Missouri) I had a marvellous time and recovered from Dengi fever less than six months after returning home.
The Bindybandians never speak about the neighbouring Kingdom of Umbleania.