Poetry by Jeff Green


Safety first (common sense nowhere)

by cricketjeff on September 24, 2009.  © Jeff Green, All rights reserved

I’ve just noticed that my underpants say “keep away from flame”
I suspect that that is guidance that I’ll heed
Putting daft advice on items seems to be a modern game
Have you seen some clever tips you’ll never need?
They put sell by dates on sugar, which is never going to rot
And a warning on your coffee that they might have made it hot

Microwaves although they’re handy aren’t designed for drying pets
I suppose they warn you land mines may explode
That your peanuts “may have nuts in” ain’t the rashest of all bets
And a toy car’s not intended for the road
A cup of tea’s a source of liquid which you need to drink each day
And a nailgun’s not for children and was never meant for play

I’ve a rucksack with a warning that brings tears into my eyes
If it’s swallowed see a doctor right away
A meter long and half that wide I’d think you’d win a prize
From a tabloid with a willingness to pay
If you swallow something that big then the doctor’s not the one
Call an undertaker quickly it’s the end to all your fun

Toothpicks tell you how to use them, butter has a lot of fat
Every station on the tube “please mind the gap”
Never smoke while pouring petrol you can’t drive and have a chat
Don’t you wish the fool would “SHUT HIS BLOODY TRAP!!!”
There are dangers that need warnings when they can’t be seen or heard
But assuming we’re all stupid makes the whole world seem absurd!!!

Author notes

These are all true, but it was the warning on the rucksack that made me write this!