Hippo Christmas Everybody!
by cricketjeff on December 23, 2009. © Jeff Green, All rights reserved
It’s rumoured that Santa wants something brand new.
The reindeer are boring, they’re passé, old hat,
An elf so distinguished needs much more than that
Perhaps giant penguins would give him some class,
They don’t have the horsepower so Santa must pass.
He studies the gibbons, their arms are too long,
Giraffes would be stately, not sure if they’re strong.
The lions and tigers may terrify folk
Gorillas are stuffy and won’t see the joke.
An elephant surely could pull him alone
But he’s in his bedroom, his mum’s on the phone,
Each night dear old Santa arrives to take notes
His elvish advisers are asked to cast votes.
One group favours eagles another want sheep
They cannot choose parrots, the children must sleep.
Not snakes, alligators, not pandas or gnu
I don’t think chinchillas are perfect, do you?
Then just before Christmas the answer is clear
The sleigh will look splendid with hippos this year.
These creatures are clever and eager to train
A squadron of six of them take up the strain
There’s Henry the oldest and Harry his son
And Hatty and Hetty both looking for fun
The leader is Horace who’s faster than most
But Hildegaard Hortense is who we should toast.
This lady is studious studies the route
And gives them advice that is hard to dispute.
“The work will be long and not easy to do,
So don’t eat the sprouts or you’re certain to poo.
The people want presents to give them a smile
Not gifts from above in a steaming brown pile”
The elves load the sleigh with some toys for the boys
And goodies for girls there is clatter and noise.
The hippos make ready then set off at speed
Six hippos in Lapland look splendid indeed.
It soon becomes clear that the new scheme has flaws
The hippos aren’t graceful the sleigh bucks and yaws.
Poor Santa gets airsick he loses the way
They have to cut corners to get home by day.
Most roofs aren’t constructed to manage the weight
And who can land gently when flustered and late.
The newspaper headlines are dreadful to see
The reindeer are reading the critics with glee.
Aunt Mavis was pooed on, young Peter got squished
And Santa gets frantic it’s not what he wished.
The Hippos were horrid the public weren’t thrilled
And more than two dozen were needlessly killed.
Poor Grandma and Grandpa were squashed in their bed
By pachyderm poundage from high overhead.
Next year will be different, next year he won’t fail
Old Santa’s just started to train up a whale!
What can I say?