Poetry by Jeff Green


The chef’s peculiarities

by cricketjeff on January 31, 2010.  © Jeff Green, All rights reserved

If you’re ever baking cookies there is lots of time to kill
Or the boredom of the process makes you think you’re getting ill
So I started playing poker with an octopus or three
Who were sitting in the kitchen eating toast and drinking tea

Once they’ve divvied up the ante octopuses play for real
They won’t draw to inside straights or bet on pairs because they feel
Like a streak of luck has hit them and they’re never going to lose
No an octopus is careful on the hands that he will choose

As the cookies started burning I was down by thirty quid
Seems an octopus is smarter than a cuttlefish or squid
Took a break to save the biscuits and to reassess my play
Can’t afford to lose my riches to a cephlapod today

Come on in for calamari it’s been very freshly made
I’m no good at playing cards but as a chef I make the grade
And just because I’m crazy doesn’t mean this isn’t true
But I wonder what I’d whip up if I lost at cards to you!

Author notes

Apparently I played cards with an octopus while making cookies because I’m crazy