Poetry by Jeff Green


A better sort of Black Rod

by cricketjeff on February 7, 2010.  © Jeff Green, All rights reserved

I’m looking through the paper at the ads for unemployed,
To see if there are jobs out there that I could have enjoyed,
I haven’t earned for years and years and that’s got me annoyed,
So here I go applying for the job.

I’ve done a bit of this and that, a sort of odd job bod,
And when I came across your ad it seemed a little odd,
So I’ve sat down to try to be the next-but-one black rod,
It sounds to me the ideal sort of job.

Just walk the floors in funny clothes and knock a lot on doors,
I’ve knocked about for many years and also walked on floors,
So judged against requirements I must have got good scores,
I’m certain that you’ll let me do the job.

I’d walk from Lords to Commons but they’d try to shut me out,
And then I’d have to remonstrate and bang my stick and shout.
(I’m good at this I’ve always been an antisocial lout)
Lets face it I’m just perfect for the job.

The Commons ain’t the place for me I will not lie and cheat!
The Lord’s is much more upper crust, though I don’t have a seat,
But looking after folk who do could be a proper treat,
Do they give tips to those who do this job?

Now for the part where I tell you the date that I could start –
Before we vote the new lot in, so I can play my part.
The Queen will open Parliament while I stand looking smart,
I’ll be on TV when I get the job.

Why me, you ask, not someone else, why do I think I’m right?
Well I’m a bolshy sort of chap, not wimpy and polite,
If they slam doors in my face then I’ll challenge them to fight!
I’m sure that that’s the way to do the job.