Poetry by Jeff Green


The Darker Side of Sue

by cricketjeff on March 18, 2010.  © Jeff Green, All rights reserved

When Sue was first arrested it was quite a minor charge,
      Well minor by the standards she has set,
And when you read the details it’s a wonder she’s at large,
      An oversight so many now regret.
It isn’t that she’s evil, just obeys some different laws
And nothing can defeat her when it’s in between those jaws.

He really was quite foolish to suggest it impolite
      To push into the queue to buy a stamp.
She found him in an alley and she set the record right;
      His headless body hanging from a lamp.
It isn’t that she’s angry, just she’s not as calm as some
And there’s nothing in the rumours that she learned to cook with Mum …

Her next “official portrait” was when some-one disappeared,
      She’d been the last to see him it was said;
They never found the body and her lawyer got her cleared
      And in reward he didn’t end up dead.
It isn’t that she’s touchy, just her fuse can be quite short
And thinks decapitation should be counted as a sport.

She doesn’t speak to “exes”, since her exes cannot speak,
      She finds that rule avoids unpleasant scenes.
A man who called her “sexy” found a pick-axe through his cheek
      And parts of him were served with chips and beans.
It isn’t that she’s hasty, all her killings have a cause;
Conventions from Geneva have her banned from fights and wars!

The last time that they caught her, twenty children killed by fire,
      The magistrate said things would have to change,
The words were hardly spoken when his fate was in the mire,
      The fool had said these words when well in range.
It isn’t that she’s nasty, she’s a really loyal friend
But turn your back a moment and you’ll find you’re at the end!

Author notes

Not many people know about Sue Cardwell’s hobbies …