Poetry by Jeff Green


In Praise of Phil Woolas

by cricketjeff on November 15, 2010.  © Jeff Green, All rights reserved

He thought he may lose so he told a few lies
And doctored some pictures to help win a prize
It’s really amazing what perfidy buys
And Phil tells us all it was fair

His Lib’ral opponent was no terrorist
As Phil and his agent would like to insist
But some subtle options are hard to resist
Who cares if they’re not really fair

The law was quite clear, and he used to help make it
But what is so wrong about working to break it
If a wish isn’t true then it’s easy to fake it
Dishonest but Phil didn’t care

Too bad that a judge thought the law could be used
He found for the plaintiff and not the accused
The lies that Phil told would not be excused
He suddenly started to care

A liar and cheat may be known as a fraud
It’s not the behaviour we like to applaud
But Phil wants to keep all the profits he scored
He says only that would be fair

His party are shocked and he’s out on his ear
But Phil’s not alarmed he’ll appeal and be clear
Opponents and voters have plenty to fear
He doesn’t intend to play fair

He claims he should keep what he cheated to win
Electors weren’t harmed by his obvious sin
As arguments go that is terribly thin
But Phil claims he isn’t aware

Some old politicians are clearly dismayed
Perhaps blatant lies are the stock of their trade
But I live in hope their excesses are stayed
I hope that from now they’ll play fair

Author notes

An MP and ex-government minister, Philip J Woolas, has been found guilty of deliberately lying about an opponent in his election material (he tried to imply he was supported by terrorists, had been arrested by armed police and was supported by foreign “shock horror” Muslim donors) it was rather hard to argue the accusations weren’t true given he had had thousands of copies printed and distributed …

As a result he has been barred from office for three years and the election court has ordered the election rerun. Legally there is no appeal but he has applied for judicial review.