Essential Information for Beautiful Ladies
by cricketjeff on August 19, 2010. © Jeff Green, All rights reserved
All Englishmen drive Aston Martins,
They’re suave and sexy, good in bed.
So sensitive they cry on partin’s
And won’t forget a thing you’ve said.
Italians have a reputation
One track minds, but can’t perform.
In any given situation
They could raise a temper storm.
Or take a Frenchman, yes please take him,
Would you trust him far away?
He’ll be faithful if you make him
But close your eyes he’s off to play.
All Englishmen drive Aston Martins,
They’re suave and sexy, good in bed.
So sensitive they cry on partin’s
And won’t forget a thing you’ve said.
A Spaniard could be there tomorrow
Or maybe later, no-one knows
You’d wait around in growing sorrow
Just in case your boyfriend shows
A German would be cold and heartless
A Dane too busy drinking beer
The Poles and Russians harsh and artless
Greeks and Turks asleep (or queer)
All Englishmen drive Aston Martins,
They’re suave and sexy, good in bed.
So sensitive they cry on partin’s
And won’t forget a thing you’ve said.
I heard about a Swiss who cheated
And a Czech who never called
Norwegian men won’t move once seated
And as for Swedes you’d be appalled
Perhaps a Scotsman (best not risk it)
Deep fried chocolate’s not for you
A Belgian would prefer a biscuit
Not the best that you could do
All Englishmen drive Aston Martins,
They’re suave and sexy, good in bed.
So sensitive they cry on partin’s
And won’t forget a thing you’ve said.
South Africans believe in fighting
All the time and every day
Canadians are NOT exciting
The national colour’s “boring grey”
Americans? I KNOW you’re joking
Overweight and out to lunch
Just two more burgers then he’s croaking
It may not happen, just a hunch.
All Englishmen drive Aston Martins,
They’re suave and sexy, good in bed.
So sensitive they cry on partin’s
And won’t forget a thing you’ve said.
The Japanese, polite, respectful
Work all day and drink all night
I think the term is “quite neglectful”
Koreans? Well, it can’t be right.
The Welsh are Rugby crazed obsessives
You want a man with odd shaped balls?
Brazilians are all “possessives”
A life with them a chain of squalls
All Englishmen drive Aston Martins,
They’re suave and sexy, good in bed.
So sensitive they cry on partin’s
And won’t forget a thing you’ve said.
An Indian just wants a curry
Not a wife, another Mum
Israeli men are in a hurry
Australians like their women dumb
New Zealanders like sheep for sheering
And Argentinians, much the same,
They gather round their llamas, cheering
You marry one, I’M not to blame.
All Englishmen drive Aston Martins,
They’re suave and sexy, good in bed.
So sensitive they cry on partin’s
And won’t forget a thing you’ve said.
All other nations have their failings
Some are better, most are worse
You better listen to my mailings
Must be true they’re said in verse
It doesn’t matter who you mention
It’s clear as glass who’s right for you
The only men who pay attention
And believe in all you do
All Englishmen drive Aston Martins,
They’re suave and sexy, good in bed.
So sensitive they cry on partin’s
And won’t forget a thing you’ve said.
Author notes
If you feel I have unjustly omitted an insult for your nation please mention it
in a comment I’m sure I can make something up
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(PS please remember not all poetry is 100% autobiographical and factual …)
English