Such a nice young lady

Such a nice young lady
by cricketjeff on July 3, 2009.  © Jeff Green, All rights reserved
It wasn’t all that much to ask
But still, it seemed, too much
He failed his one appointed task
To simply stay in touch
He’d been her first exciting kiss
And then a whole lot more
She found what others meant by bliss
On Kevin’s kitchen floor!

He had to hurry off to learn
At university
So he would have a chance to earn
A chemistry degree
Too soon he gave up emailing
And found another girl
But it is not a great failing
To live the social whirl

Her knife went in, her knife came out
And he looked so surprised
And realised without a doubt
That he’d been ill advised
She’d killed before, like most of us,
When others went astray
So didn’t think to make a fuss
Just hid the corpse away

The ghosts were gathered round the room
All feeling unimpressed
They spent each day sat in this gloom
And felt quite overstressed
They’d none of them suspected that
She had a hasty side
They woke to find that they’d been sat
With spooks they can’t abide

Her teacher felt that homework ought
To take the highest place
She’d prove she’d learnt what she’d been taught
And so avoid disgrace
His erratum, a tiny flaw
He said it wasn’t right
To throw her schoolbag on the floor
And head out for the night

Next morning when he used the brake
His car had failed to stop
On cliffroads it’s a bad mistake
To drive straight off the top
And so her homework stayed undone
Another teacher came
Nobody knew how she found fun
So she escaped all blame

On buses there’s a boring rule
You have to pay the fare
One driver was a dreadful fool
Who made her well aware
That on his bus the rules were kept
And she would have to pay
His cooker leaked and on he slept
And then he blew away!

Her father’s brother bought a doll
Her Christmas gift when eight
He’d thought his present very droll
The doll was overweight
But Barbie had been on her list
Her figure’s very trim
The family have always missed
Beloved Uncle Jim

From time to time another ghoul
Arrives to join the crowd
And finds his greeting very cool
No moaning is allowed
They all have sorry tales to tell
But never say a word
They’re waiting for their turn in Hell
The after-life’s absurd

The milkman who once scared the cat
The postman (on his bike)
A lady with a dreadful hat
Their spiteful neighbour Mike
Few ladies even twice her age
Can boast a list as long
But nobody at any stage
Explained her ways were wrong

The time arrived to learn to drive
Instructors came and went
Employees of a firm who strive
To rule out accident
Each one is chosen with great care
But seemed to leave in haste
The office wasn’t well aware
The reason for this waste

They’d say turn left, she wanted right
Or stop when she thought go
She must obey the traffic light
What did these people know?
The bypass has deep concrete roots
Conveniently placed
Instructors fitted down the shoots
Where quick-set mixture’s placed

She passed her test the second try
The first man “missed” his train
To catch it up he tried to fly
He won’t do that again
One day policemen flagged her down
It was a one way street
She stood up with a tearful frown
And knocked them off their feet

The judge was cross (the second judge)
The first drowned in the bath
He said the courts would never fudge
She’d face the aftermath
Two prison guards, a cellmate and
A visitor or two
These accidents are never planned
And everyone is new

The waiting room’s filled to the seams
The ghosts and ghouls still sit
Reliving life in dreadful dreams
Without an end to it
Perhaps revenge will come in time
Their nemesis must die
And face the victims of her crime
I do not think they’ll cry!

Author notes
I only had time to record a few of her “mishaps” anyone want to visit her in
She’ll probably get out on parole in a year or two …