Hippo Christmas Everybody!
\nby cricketjeff on December 23, 2009.\u00a0 \u00a9 Jeff Green, All rights reserved
\nIn the week before Christmas there’s fuss at the Zoo,
\nIt’s rumoured that Santa wants something brand new.
\nThe reindeer are boring, they’re pass\u00e9, old hat,
\nAn elf so distinguished needs much more than that
\nPerhaps giant penguins would give him some class,
\nThey don’t have the horsepower so Santa must pass.
\nHe studies the gibbons, their arms are too long,
\nGiraffes would be stately, not sure if they’re strong.
\nThe lions and tigers may terrify folk
\nGorillas are stuffy and won’t see the joke.
\nAn elephant surely could pull him alone
\nBut he’s in his bedroom, his mum’s on the phone,
\nEach night dear old Santa arrives to take notes
\nHis elvish advisers are asked to cast votes.
\nOne group favours eagles another want sheep
\nThey cannot choose parrots, the children must sleep.
\nNot snakes, alligators, not pandas or gnu
\nI don’t think chinchillas are perfect, do you?
\nThen just before Christmas the answer is clear
\nThe sleigh will look splendid with hippos this year.
\nThese creatures are clever and eager to train
\nA squadron of six of them take up the strain
\nThere’s Henry the oldest and Harry his son
\nAnd Hatty and Hetty both looking for fun
\nThe leader is Horace who’s faster than most
\nBut Hildegaard Hortense is who we should toast.
\nThis lady is studious studies the route
\nAnd gives them advice that is hard to dispute.
\n“The work will be long and not easy to do,
\nSo don’t eat the sprouts or you’re certain to poo.
\nThe people want presents to give them a smile
\nNot gifts from above in a steaming brown pile”
\nThe elves load the sleigh with some toys for the boys
\nAnd goodies for girls there is clatter and noise.
\nThe hippos make ready then set off at speed
\nSix hippos in Lapland look splendid indeed.
\nIt soon becomes clear that the new scheme has flaws
\nThe hippos aren’t graceful the sleigh bucks and yaws.
\nPoor Santa gets airsick he loses the way
\nThey have to cut corners to get home by day.
\nMost roofs aren’t constructed to manage the weight
\nAnd who can land gently when flustered and late.
\nThe newspaper headlines are dreadful to see
\nThe reindeer are reading the critics with glee.
\nAunt Mavis was pooed on, young Peter got squished
\nAnd Santa gets frantic it’s not what he wished.
\nThe Hippos were horrid the public weren’t thrilled
\nAnd more than two dozen were needlessly killed.
\nPoor Grandma and Grandpa were squashed in their bed
\nBy pachyderm poundage from high overhead.
\nNext year will be different, next year he won’t fail
\nOld Santa’s just started to train up a whale!<\/p>\n
Author notes
\nWhat can I say?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hippo Christmas Everybody! by cricketjeff on December 23, 2009.\u00a0 \u00a9 Jeff Green, All rights reserved In the week before Christmas there’s fuss at the Zoo, It’s rumoured that Santa wants something brand new. The reindeer are boring, they’re pass\u00e9, old hat, An elf so distinguished needs much more than that Perhaps giant penguins would give […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":9706,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-4327","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/nicewaistcoat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/4327","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/nicewaistcoat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/nicewaistcoat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nicewaistcoat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nicewaistcoat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4327"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/nicewaistcoat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/4327\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7182,"href":"http:\/\/nicewaistcoat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/4327\/revisions\/7182"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nicewaistcoat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/9706"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/nicewaistcoat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4327"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}