Metamorphoses
\nby cricketjeff on March 31, 2011.\u00a0 \u00a9 Jeff Green, All rights reserved
\nHis mother started hinting that a ton of TNT
\nCould rearrange his bedroom in a way she’d like to see;
\nThe Hoover was objecting to the depths of jungle soil
\nAnd underneath the floorboards there were wildcats striking oil.<\/p>\n
At ten he had been charming and as cute as boys can be,
\nEleven saw him growing like a giant redwood tree;
\nBut twelve was not a good year, he was getting things prepared,
\nFor teenage angst and anger, though the war went undeclared.<\/p>\n
His father was pretending that he wasn’t in the room,
\nIgnoring grunts and mutters and the murmurings of doom.
\nHe used to be a talker telling jokes that wouldn’t end,
\nBut now his longest sentence was an “Ugh Uh” to a friend.<\/p>\n
At five his granny loved him, and he never walked just ran,
\nA six year old explosion ate its baked beans from the can.
\nFrom seven through to eight he was as charming as a lord,
\nThough sometimes in his tenth year he complained that he was “bored”.<\/p>\n
His sister was the blunt one, never thought to pull a punch,
\nShe told him he was smelly, like a year old “ploughman’s lunch”.
\nHer friends would never visit, didn’t have the strength to cope,
\nAnd would he PLEASE start bathing with a modicum of soap?<\/p>\n
But suddenly he altered started showering each day
\nAnd scrubbing every morning keeping floods of spots at bay.
\nHis beard was soft as bumfluff but he shaved until he shone;
\nA dirty little gosling trying hard to be a swan.<\/p>\n
His mother was bamboozled and his father boggle-eyed,
\nThey couldn’t quite believe it, though I know they REALLY tried.
\nHis sister knew the answer though she swore she’d never tell
\nA new girl in his class at school, a blonde named Annabel …<\/p>\n
Author notes
\nFor those unlucky enough not to live within walking distance of a typical
\nBritish pub a ploughman’s lunch, or a ploughman’s, is a meal of crusty bread,
\ncheese( cheddar or Stilton usually), ham and pickle (relish). A year old one
\nwould be a trifle rank …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Metamorphoses by cricketjeff on March 31, 2011.\u00a0 \u00a9 Jeff Green, All rights reserved His mother started hinting that a ton of TNT Could rearrange his bedroom in a way she’d like to see; The Hoover was objecting to the depths of jungle soil And underneath the floorboards there were wildcats striking oil. At ten he […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":9728,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-5014","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/nicewaistcoat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/5014","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/nicewaistcoat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/nicewaistcoat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nicewaistcoat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nicewaistcoat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5014"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/nicewaistcoat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/5014\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6495,"href":"http:\/\/nicewaistcoat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/5014\/revisions\/6495"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nicewaistcoat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/9728"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/nicewaistcoat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5014"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}